Inbox: Advice for Bobby pt2

Earlier in the week I started to answer an email with some advice for a player I called Bobby, and today I want to tackle the other big topic in his email playing DDo with someone that shares your bed.

New information:
Bobby has a non-English speaking girlfriend (and I don’t really know if they share a bed)
This GF, Pepper (as I struggle to pick a girl’s name and see my Iron Man toys on the desk) was a DDo player (casual) but has had a year long forced break due to hardware problems. And feels she is back to newb status.
No mater what Pepper will always lean more on the Casual side.

Okay first of all, having people you love share your hobbies just makes those hobbies more fun. But at the same time they can also suck the fun out of things. And I am about to go in to some things that might get me in trouble but I would not give up playing with my wife for anything.

Okay there are hurdles both in playing and in your relationship. And there is not a lot of tips I can give you to avoid those, all I can say is look back at my other main tip of being honest and try to power through. Knowing when to shut up is also a killer skill, one I might over use… Okay things that bother me or can if I let them and tips, some or both at once.

Comments made about how things are going often are just venting and not really directed at anyone or at the group. This is my main issue playing with my wife. She is a glass is half empty girl at least 80% of the time. And I work VERY hard to not be the same; she might say that is just me arguing with her all the time. And she is probably a little right, but mostly if I am having a good time (and if I am playing I am normally having a good time) then I don’t want to see everything with that “the sky is falling” point of view. At the same time I was told once that I have a bit of a “fix it” mentality, and that wanting to fix everything is very male. If there is a problem I try to fix it and if I can’t then I need to stop and let it go. So often I take this venting to heart and try to fix things when this happens I need to realize it is going on and I need to let it go. Trying to “fix things” will just make it worse. Oh and game bugs, you have to try to be immune to them bothering you.

Being “bull headed” or pressing on verse retreating. This is another tough one to explain, but my wife (Tobril has this same issue as well but often with different issues) is good with a challenge to a point. Then things hit a wall and she wants to find a path of less resistance and as the un-official team leader it is often my job to make the call on no we can keep on or your right lets cut our losses. All I can say is you have to be truly honest when evaluating those situations. And if you are in a group and they are the leader then you have no grounds to argue with them it is their call.
Last one today is about giving them advice. This is another place where I struggle as if you don’t like my advice then that is on you but if you give your wife advice and then she decides she doesn’t like it then you get to sleep with one eye open. I think the best you can do is try to answer questions the best you can but sometimes you just have to point to the wiki or the forums and say I can’t help you. You have to decide this one for yourself and that can cause fireworks also…

Did that help at all?

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